a_white_rain: (kara/lee)
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Pretty, Pretty Princess
By: White Rain
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.
Genre: Nine-torture.
Charaters/Pairing: Nine, Jack, Rose. Shippy as you want it to be.
Word Count: 691
Rating: G
Notes: CRACK. Set between Badwolf and Boomtown.
Summary: The Doctor suffers torture via a board game meant for young girls.


"I would have to wear that," the Doctor said. He put on his best Do Not Want face.

"Yep," Rose said, setting out the board game called, horrifyingly enough, Pretty Pretty Princess.

"You know how I said no domestics?" the Doctor said. "This?" He gave a disgusted look at the plastic tiara that Rose took out of the box. "This counts."

Rose ignored him.

"Jack," the Doctor said.

"Don't even try," Jack said. "Unless you are going to say no to that face - "

Rose stopped setting up the game long enough to give the Doctor her biggest smile.

"I hate you both," the Doctor said.

"Good," Rose said and tossed the plastic spinner at him. "Now spin, Doctor."

The Doctor spun.

"I am not wearing earrings," the Doctor said.

"Does that mean you forfeit?" Rose asked.

The turned to face her. "Yes. Yes I do. Gladly."

"Good. Better chance that I'll win," Jack said and took the plastic spinner from out of the Doctor's hand and flicked the spinner.

"You're kidding me," the Doctor said.

Jack picked up a pair of plastic blue earrings and put them on. Then he turned to stare directly in the Doctor's eyes. "Be honest, Doctor. Do you think it's a good look for me?"

"If you're attempting to look like a fool," the Doctor said, standing up and walking towards Rose's bed and sat down on it in order to get away from The Crazy, "then yes. It is a very good look for you."

"The Green-Eyed monster is an ugly thing," Rose said in a sing song voice as she put on a pink ring.

The Doctor went for honesty. "You both have gone mad. We should leave this place before you become even more mad."

Jack grinned at the Doctor. "Aren't we all mad in the grand scheme of things, Doctor?"

The Doctor stared at him flatly until he turned away.

"Ooh hand me the green necklace," Rose said.

"I think green would clash with your ring," Jack said.

"You think?" Rose asked thoughtfully. "I guess I'll go with the pink."

"Good choice," Jack said wisely, handing her the necklace.

The Doctor twitched.

Jack landed on the black spot and said sadly, "Now I have to put the earrings back."

Rose leaned over to grab the spinner. "I'd feel sorry for you," the Doctor didn't stare at her at all when she licked her teeth, "but I'm playing to win."

"You act like it's some great accomplishment," the Doctor said, rolling his eyes. "You just spin the wheel and do what it tells you to do. No thinking or anything involved." He paused and said thoughtfully, quirking his lips upwards, "That's probably why you humans like this game so much."

"No," Rose said, laughing as Jack put on a green bracelet. "We like it because it's fun."

"You should try it sometime," Jack said. "Fun is like sex, after all."

"Only if I chose and you buy," Nine retorted and tilted his head back from The Crazy.

"You sure know how to woo a guy," Jack said.

"I try."

"I think someone needs an afternoon nap," Rose said.

"Says the one who is playing a game for toddlers," the Doctor said.

"Toddlers would choke on these pieces," Jack said, scandalized, and the Doctor heard him spin the wheel.

"Then we should probably stop you from playing," the Doctor said.

"Why are you always so grumpy?" Rose said. "I wasn't kidding about that nap."

"I stand by my point," the Doctor said, moving his head just to give a pointed look at part of the box said 'for children ages through 5 to 8.'

"Human children have the most fun," Jack said, picking up a green necklace.

"They're also the most annoying," the Doctor said.

"Now that's just a flat-out lie," Jack said, tutting, but before he could continue, Rose let out a whoop.

"I win," she said, grinning widely as she picked up the tiara.

"Can we leave now?" the Doctor asked.

"I'm doing my laundry," Rose said. "We're going to be here at least a few more hours."

"Ooh," Jack said suddenly. "Is that Sorry? I haven't played that in ages."

"Get it out while I put this up," Roes said.

The Doctor flopped back on the bed and wondered what power kept him alive in the Time Wars just to live to suffer through this.
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